Publishing a book? What a novel idea! But, at long last, here is the first in a long line of (what I hope will be a successful) series of books for the discerning youngster (and youthful oldster) in my brand-spanking new 'Pulp Fiction For Kids' range of titles. Getting a book published is much harder than making a good omelette or, say, changing the clutch cable on a 1987 Mini metro GT, but not impossible if you are equipped with the appropriate edition of the Haynes Manual (I can't see where this metaphor is going so I'm going to park it up. Ha!) It's available in Kindle edition at the moment for a VERY reasonable price so just click on the image and enjoy (hopefully).

King Cody's Clocks
by Sid River

    Batty old King Cody is obsessed with clocks. He has them all over the palace; in every dusty corner; on every carved mantelpiece; even embroidered neatly on the front of the Royal underpants. Two hundred and twenty-five magnificent timepieces of every conceivable size, shape, colour . . . and sound!

    'But the bongs are all wrong Plodkins. All wrong!' cries the King to his long-suffering manservant, for no matter how often the King (who is not the sharpest sword in the armoury) winds and sets the clocks to exactly the same time every day, he can never quite work out how to get them all to chime at exactly the same time and experience 'The Ultimate Bong!'

    At the suggestion of the ever reliable Plodkins, the dotty King assembles a group of the finest minds (and creakiest bones) in the Kingdom in an effort to solve the conundrum. Their incompetent solutions lead the unwitting monarch through a series of madcap trials and tribulations that see him carrying petrified milkmaids around the castle in an effort to get fit and run at the speed of light, drinking a rather suspect magic potion with embarrassingly nude consequences, encountering a strange metallic dragon in his beer cellar, having unforeseen problems with the space-time continuum, and generally overlooking the completely obvious in his quest to unite the bongs.

    Will he succeed? Only time and several painful shin injuries will tell.

A magnificent comic tour de force!” – Sid’s budgie.

Much more interesting than cheese, any day of the week!” – Daily Mirror salesman in Wolverhampton.

Ingenious! The way that Sid River has combined a myriad of random letters to create a fine selection of   common English words is nothing short of acceptable.” – Sir Arthur Conan Doylie